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I've come far, road stretches before me
Tuesday. 6.16.15 3:53 pm
What a journey. The horrible traumas did come with valuable life lessons. Between my own efforts, the random therapists who never stay very long, and the zoloft, I am definitely getting a better life started. I'm far from rehabilitated and being isolated isn't helping but I'm strong, I'm alive. I can do this. Though mostly by myself. I'm a different person. Still changing. I have lots to do. Lot's to learn. I have years to do so.

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Things are well
Tuesday. 6.9.15 6:28 pm
My babies are with a wonderful family and I'm working towards a better me. Life isn't great right now but it's pretty ok. I can't complain too much. :)

EDIT: It's August that we see what the courts say about my son's fate. His father still hasn't done anything or brought anything. NOTHING. Hopefully the courts rule in my favor. My son turned 1 in April!!! So precious and my daughter is 2.

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Rolling on
Tuesday. 7.1.14 5:55 pm
Well... Still waiting to see what happens. My sons father hasn't tried to do anything to get his son and thinks he will just get him so hopefully this will go smoother than I expect.

In other news, I got drunk last weekend. First time in a while. Was fun but not my thing anymore. Watched my grama dance. She had a blast!

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This is f'n rediculous
Tuesday. 6.10.14 6:54 pm
I HATE this irrational fear of leaving the house. All that sweet cool wind and sun outside and all I can do is be irritated and stare wistfully out the windows. In other news, my ex is going ahead with the petition to get my son. He and his mother keep asking my adoption counselor week after week what do they need to do and the answer is the same, seek legal counsel... Hopefully we can spare my children needless bs and ensure my sons safety by exterminating my ex's rights. Please let it happen.

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Holed up
Monday. 5.26.14 8:16 pm
I'm sad because I won't go outside. I've holed myself up inside my apartment. I take my cat outside some days for a little while or I go with my dad to his house for Sunday dinner but I'm closed down. It's depressing. I dunno why I won't change it. Maybe I am waiting for this adoption process to be over. It does have me quite sad.

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Playing Dirty
Wednesday. 5.7.14 9:53 am
I have been behaving myself. I let my ex hold his son at the DNA testing center, I haven't been rude or stalking or anything. I am getting pissed now because his mother is going behind my back trying to get my newborn son from me. I have already got my daughter settled with the amazing new family I chose and my son needs to go there too but my exs mother is coaching him to fight for his baby even though it took AN ENTIRE MONTH JUST TO ASK HIS NAME AND SEE HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! They abandoned me the whole pregnancy and NOW they wanna do something. OH PLEASE. They cannot take care of him. I had to stop letting them see my daughter when I was so in need of help because they endangered her and kept sending her back so soon because they couldn't keep up with her. She is 13 months old now and was 10 months or so when they watched her. I tried to make it work with them but they just didn't care. I will fight this because my kids totally deserve this awesome new family who will do everything I wish I could and my ex and his family can't. I love my kids. So much. I don't wanna hurt anyone is or be an ass but I am doing what's right for everyone. I hope they come to their senses soon and not drag this out.

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